Reflection
by citigirl13
Summary: Caroline's feelings when she sees herself in the mirror.  Forwood relationship and Caroline/Damon friendship.


**I am writing a lot. Wow. **

**I was in the mood to write and was trying to think of stories for D/E when a Caroline story popped into my head. I'm so pleased because I've finally been able to write a Caroline story – which I've wanted to do for a long time. I'll be the first to admit I didn't like Caroline in the first series; but the second series had her completely change into this confident girl and I love her now. I think that's the thing about Caroline (and Damon): you see them grow, and there's something so beautiful about that.**

**This story is dedicated to Major Gilmore, who gave me a review that made my day, and I really mean that. So thanks and I hope that you like this story too. **

**Anyway, I hope you enjoy the story.**

**DISCLAIMER: I own nothing**

**xXx **

**Reflection **

Before she was a vampire, Caroline used to spend ages looking in the mirror.

She had a large mirror on her wardrobe right opposite her bed, and every morning as she reached for her phone to check her email or see if anyone messaged her, she would catch her reflection. And nine times out of ten, she would grimace. She would then spend a good hour and a half putting on her make-up, brushing her blonde hair and choosing her outfit – and then of course choosing the right accessories to go with that outfit. She would sometimes peer at the occasional spots that would pop up, wishing make up with cover them, or comb her hair furiously, hoping that she could somehow tame it. It was as if she thought that if she could look perfect, she would finally beat Elena out as Queen Bee, or finally see Matt's eyes not linger over his ex for a moment too long, or that her friends would stop being so bloody secretive and let her in, or that her Mom would finally come through the door and say, "No Caroline, seriously, how are you?"

Perhaps it was naive, or maybe just plain stupid. But honestly, was it so hard to believe that if she looked perfect, she would be perfect too?

So she would walk out the door and hope that her wishes would come true.

They didn't. Santa must have lost her letter, because all she got was a pair of fangs and eternal life. Just what she wanted – _not_.

**xXx **

She can't spend much time looking at herself in the mirror anymore. She often hurriedly throws on some clothes and doesn't bother with make up. She only spends the ten second compulsory check of hair and teeth (have to make sure those fangs aren't coming out, though Stefan tells her over and over that it doesn't work that way). She has too much to think about.

What is Katherine's evil plan?

Miss Matt, miss Matt so much.

Is Tyler going to be okay?

Matt.

Will Damon hurt Tyler?

Oh, Matt.

When is Tyler going to figure out that Mason isn't coming back, like, ever?

Matty.

Does her Mom have any clue that she may be a vampire?

Matthew.

Will Klaus kill them all?

Her appearance doesn't really matter so much right now. As long as she's alive, as long as her reflection still appears in that silver piece of glass, then that's all that matters.

She tries not to think about the first time she looked in the mirror, when the world seemed too bright and movements too slow, and saw fangs appear from her mouth for the first time. When she first saw herself and thought, _I'm a monster_.

She tries not to think about it. It scares her too much to think that a monster is just what she might be.

**xXx**

She can't take her eyes off herself. She has never seen anyone so ugly in her entire life.

She's a troll. A witch – one with the big nose and warts. A hag. It's all hidden under this model-like expression, this sweet simpering smile. This perfect body that will never change. Everyone else sees that it's fake. Everyone else sees what she is.

Tyler did.

She's a liar.

In a second she has punched the mirror. It cuts her hands but they heal quickly, though the mirror has cracked all over. It's not enough though, she can still see her image, now broken, in the glass.

By the time Damon has burst through the door there are shards everywhere and Caroline is sitting in a heap on the floor, tears pouring down her hair. Somehow a part of the mirror is still intact (what, is this mirror magic?) and she can see the quiet resignation on Damon Salvatore's face. She can see her own face, puffy and red.

_I thought being a vampire made me pretty. _

Too much _Twilight_.

Damon – the one that has all the smart-ass remarks – doesn't say anything. Instead he goes to her and, for once the white knight (though as Caroline thinks about it, Damon has done a lot of saving lately) he picks her up as if she's a little girl and carries her out the house.

And Caroline lets herself be carried. It just feels so good to be taken care of.

She may be a vampire with super speed and immortal life, but sometimes she feels incredibly weak.

**xXx **

She doesn't know how it happened, but somehow she lets Damon wrap her in a blanket, make her hot chocolate and sit her in front of the burning fire. Like he's taking care of a _human_. But Caroline misses being human, and so she relishes it.

He sits on the arm chair. Glass of scotch? Check. Annoying smirk? Check. Self-righteous attitude? Check.

"So," he says as if they've been in the middle of a conversation; as if they haven't been silent since the second he found her. "What's on your mind?"

Caroline sighs and shrugs, wishing she could so not do the moody-teenager thing but can't be bothered to explain it. How the hell can she explain her feelings when she doesn't even know them herself?

"Jesus," Damon says. He acts incredulous. "Ever since I've known you I can't get you to shut up and now – when I actually want you to talk – you keep your mouth shut. Looks like there is a flying pig after all."

A cushion flies his way. Expertly he dodges it.

After settling himself again he stares at Caroline. It unsettles her; it's as if he's peering deep into her soul. As if he can see right into her head. It unnerves her so much that she finally snaps, "What?"

"It's the wolf," Damon says slowly. His expression is serious, without a hint of humour. "You're upset because he's disappeared."

Caroline snorts. She hopes she's convincing, not looking like she wants to snap at Damon that _the wolf _has a name. "Don't be stupid."

"Don't be blind," Damon retorts. "You _like _him. For fuck sake, the werewolf could kill you and this place is ten times safer with him gone but you want him back. You want _him_. You so want to have that dog's puppies."

A picture frame goes this time. Her aim is off though and it hits the wall, smashing. Damon glances at it and raises an eyebrow, and Caroline can tell he knows he's touched a nerve, because she – the vampire who can now hit anything she wants to – has missed. It proves his theory.

"I don't like Tyler," Caroline says when the silence becomes too much. "I'm in love with Matt."

Damon sips his drink, and Caroline can see he's conflicted – there is a storm brewing in his eyes. Finally he speaks. "I thought I was in love with Katherine. Turns out I was wrong."

Automatically Caroline glances upwards. She can hear Stefan and Elena together, laughing and talking and making noises she doesn't really want to think about. It's no secret Damon loves Elena. Everyone knows it, even Elena. For a moment Caroline feels a little spark of the old jealous girl: of course, Elena has perfect Prince Charming and the dashing Dark Knight right at her feet. Many girls would give their left arms just for one, and Elena has both.

Life sucks.

"Sometimes you don't realise who you're really in love with until it's too late."

There is actual pain in his voice. It isn't the first time Caroline has felt sorry for Damon; but it's the first time it doesn't disappear in two seconds.

He takes a deep breath. "Don't make the same mistake I did."

Caroline tries again. "I don't love Tyler Damon. I love Matt."

He shrugs, and a phrase unwillingly enters her mind: _you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink_. "Whatever you say Caroline."

She's unsure how long she spends there. Hours. Finally she stands and tells Damon she needs to go home. She's almost made it to the door when she hears him speak.

"I'm sorry."

Caroline pauses. "For what?" she murmurs, though she thinks she already knows.

"For how he treated you." _For how I hurt you_. That part is left unsaid though Caroline gets what he means.

It's not okay, and it's not right, but Caroline says, "Thank you." She is about to leave, but Damon has been honest with her tonight. Time to return the favour. "But I forgave you a long time ago."

It doesn't matter that Damon wasn't looking at her when he said that. She knows he meant it.

It makes her feel a little stronger.

**xXx **

Oh how she wishes she had a mirror when she sees Tyler again. He's gotten a haircut and she's certain his muscles have grown but she can't take her eyes off his face. He hasn't changed a bit. No matter what he says, she can tell. Same old Tyler. Her heart warms at the thought that some things will always stay the same.

The night is crazy – Matt with a gun, Klaus' plan put into action, a werewolf trying to tear the walls apart. It seems to go on forever, though later (way in the future) Matt says that he has never seen Caroline more confident.

The sun eventually rises though. The long night is finally over, and when the sun comes up she is in Tyler's arms.

It is fleeting, but Caroline realises that she's never fit better anywhere else.

**xXx **

She doesn't spend too much time looking in the mirror anymore. But one day in the summer she catches an expression and she can't help but stop and stare.

She has never seen that look on her face before. It's stunningly beautiful; it's perfectly imperfect; it's full. It is the face of a confident girl. It is the face of a brave warrior. It is the face of a survivor.

It is the face of a girl in love.

This time when she smiles her reflection doesn't grimace but grin back. It winks at her as she disappears out the door, because the girl in the mirror knows that she'll be okay.


End file.
